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Wednesday, June 2, 2010

I got 99 Problems but this blog ain't one

I have two things that are really bugging me about WWE right now, so instead of two blogs, I’m going to combine them into a pair of bullets.

-It’s time to stop with the Raw guest hosts. Now that the show has a “permanent” General Manager—and a damn good one in Bret Hart—the guest hosts seem to serve no purpose other than a cheap ratings ploy…or to confuse the hell out of viewers.

For instance, Monday’s host was Ashton Kutcher (who at least we know is a WWE fan). But from the looks of his “appearances,” it doesn’t seem that Mr. Kutcher could even bother to be in the arena! If he’s busy or whatever, fine, but why have him host?

Secondly, Kutcher did all of three things, one of which was signing Daniel Bryan to a one-night contract so he could face (and defeat) The Miz.

Wait, what?

Disregard the fact that Edge said in a promo a few weeks ago (on the night Vickie Guerrero was GM for an hour) that Raw’s guest hosts would have no power going forward…but wouldn’t that be something only Bret would/should be authorized to do? You know, sort of like make the call for Raw Viewer’s Choice next week? Sure, that was actually Kutcher’s idea too, but it’s still Bret’s call.

I’m hoping I get the call to guest host Raw, because I’m pretty sure I’d have the authority to fire the crack writing staff that can’t even seem to keep things straight from week to week anymore.

-Wade Barrett (deservedly) won WWE NXT last night, and it was announced that Season 2 begins next Tuesday with eight new rookies: Kaval, Alex Riley, Eli Cottonwood, Percy Watson, Titus O’Neil, Husky Harris, Michael McGillicutty, and Lucky Cannon.

Wait…Husky Harris, Mike McGillicutty, and Lucky Cannon?

Is there seriously someone in the back that’s using a random adjective generator and an adult film star directory to come up with these names?

It’s bad enough that the former two are second-generation stars who are seemingly having part of their heritage erased for no good reason. After all, Mr. Harris is really Windham Rotunda (aka Duke Rotundo in FCW, aka the son of Mike “IRS” Rotunda and nephew of Barry Windham) and McGillicutty is Joe “Little Mr. Perfect” Hennig. That was acknowledged in their bio video, at least.

But forget that, and instead ask who named these guys? Michael McGillicutty sounds like Beulah’s long lost trust-fund brother, Lucky Cannon is what I’d say if I saw any of the WWE Divas straddling a medieval weapon, and Husky Harris?...uh, isn’t he the guy who sued WCW back in the day for racial discrimination?

Oh wait, that was Hardbody Harrison, which is just as bad (and frankly, just as “indy”) of a name as Husky Harris. Oddly enough, Husky’s WWE pro is Cody Rhodes, and I can’t tell if that’s irony or a blind stroke of luck.

But seriously, if you’re going to acknowledge who they are, why not let them have their name, or at least their family name? You can still trademark “Harris Rotundo” or “Fred Hennig” or something.


By the way, my pick to win is either “On the Farm” favorite Eli Cottonwood (who is 7 feet tall) or Titus O’Neil, a former defensive end at the University of Florida who looks sort of like a cross between Eriq “Darryl Jenks” LaSalle and Mr. Eko from Lost and is built like the proverbial brick house.

You know, now that I think about it, I’d feel better about either one if they changed their name to Fizbo Snozzberry or Buster Strokes or something.

-Louie Dee
Contributing Writer

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