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Monday, August 16, 2010

An Open Letter to Michael Cole


I love you. I really do. You were one of the best bosses I ever worked for, as your no-nonsense approach to things resonates with mine yet you understood the complexities of our job at

You also have been, for the most part, a good announcer. Your journalism background comes in very handy in the storytelling aspect of things.

But bro, I'm begging you, please learn some English. Here's a tip:


1.the wine from a particular harvest or crop.
2.the annual produce of the grape harvest, esp. with reference to the wine obtained. exceptionally fine wine from the crop of a good year.
4.the time of gathering grapes, or of winemaking.
5.the act or process of producing wine; winemaking.
6.the class of a dated object with reference to era of production or use: a hat of last year's vintage.

7.of or pertaining to wines or winemaking.
8.being of a specified vintage: Vintage wines are usually more expensive than nonvintage wines.
9.representing the high quality of a past time: vintage cars; vintage movies.
10.old-fashioned or obsolete: vintage jokes.
11.being the best of its kind: They praised the play as vintage O'Neill.

When you say something is "vintage Orton" or "vintage Cena," especially when it's a signature move or trait they do or exhibit ALL THE TIME, you sound like a complete idiot.

Cena hitting that belly-to-back suplex isn't vintage; it has nothing to do with wine, isn't the best move in his repertoire, and is definitely not old-fashioned if he does it, you know, every night.

Maybe the word you want is closer to something like "classic," which can mean definitive or adhering to established standards. Maybe it's "textbook," or some other word that connotes the fact that whatever characteristic you're describing is displayed on a consistent basis.

But it's definitely not vintage, and hearing you say that 34 times every Monday night makes me want to jab a pencil in my ear.

-Louie Dee


Anonymous said...

Point well taken, but couldn't you accomplish the same goal with a friendly e-mail?

Wred Fright said...

Actually, I like his use of "vintage". I could do with a few less "desperation maneuver"s though.

Anonymous said...

I can't stand Michael Cole. He's almost as bad as Tazz.